I (subconsciously) seem to love to stress out about everything.
Dealing with stress in the moment is extremely challenging for me, and I’m not quite sure how to overcome it. It is only in retrospect that I remember taking the time to breathe is an option.
Taking on a busy semester comforted me. I felt like I took on each week with a high-spirited mindset. However, my semester’s schedule did not anticipate added responsibilities, nor emotional stress from harsh personal attacks.
I was so silly to not anticipate these essential facets of life.
By putting myself out there in my university’s (small) student community (Assistant EIC to the school newspaper, student employee, officer of a school club), of course someone was going to notice when I made mistakes. And of course people are going to talk about it – it’s a part of human nature.
To put what I am about to say in perspective, someone thought that I anonymously wrote a nasty message about him in the school newspaper.
But because he put me in the same position – namelessly calling me out on my mistakes (unrelated to the ‘nasty message’), not to my face but in public (hurtful words and unconstructive criticisms attached) – I know how he must have felt to stumble upon something written about him.
Still knowing this, my feelings were incredibly hurt. I wasn’t prepared for such criticism from someone who’s likely never said one word directly to me.
I cried for days afterwards. My emotional stamina was crushed. Unfocused, I stepped out of classes with tears in my eyes. I dropped one of my classes and stopped going to dance because all I wanted to do was figure out how to deal with the failure I felt as a person.
And it is incredibly fair to say I can be an incredibly sensitive person who functions primarily via emotion. And, this is not to say that seeing myself attacked on social media was the sole reason for my reactions. In retrospect, I think I did not consider giving myself enough room to anticipate at the beginning of this semester.
Still, I love myself and am not ashamed of how I handle things because with these weaknesses (such as being sensitive), I have my strengths. For one, being a person who acts and thinks with her feelings helped me see the situation better from both perspectives. Having these emotional bouts gives me a lot of time to reflect, and these reflecting periods help me figure out who I am as a person, where I want to be, and how I want to improve.
By this point in my life, I’ve accepted I am an incredibly emotional person (I always test as an INFP). I think that it’s more about learning how to use this to my advantage in situations of stress.